Kimmy Smith

I’m going crazy. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE! I am an idiot. This is the most frusterating day EVER. 1. Lakers aren’t winning. 2. My spanish final is tommorow. 3. I now have a C in drama. IN DRAMA. I forgot to go in and turn in my journal entries today, worth 80 points, and I am SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF. I’m hoping my teacher will understand and let it slide..No I’m not hoping..I’m praying to god. I can’t not get an A in that class. I have 3 B’s. 88, 87, 88. THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY. SO. ANGRY. One is spanish…I’m depending on my final. I’ve been studying for the past 3 hours..just conjugating verbs over and over. I can’t finish with an 89 for the second semester in a row. Another is Math. I am so beyond annoyed with this class, Mrs.Luna is a terrible teacher and I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve basically lost hope on that one. I got the study guide and didn’t have a clue what to do. Then English. My easiest class by far, yet I have an 88. Because there are no assignments! So just one brings you down. I am literally going to throw up. Goodnight.

You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, ‘Whats wrong?’ and they say ‘Nothing’. You accept this because it’s easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your anger and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. so when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, it’s ok to not be alright.

Do you really think you can live MY life better than ME? Then, be my guest, take the wheel. If you were in my position, you would be doing the SAME FUCKING THING. I hate people who act like they know everything. If your one of them, well you don’t know everything, and you CERTAINLY do not know what is best for me in MY life.

I’m pretty sick of relying on other people for my happiness. 

Sometimes I just wish I was on this planet by myself. I like to be alone. It’s calming and you don’t have anything to worry about. When i’m with other people, I’m constantly censoring my thoughts. “What if this makes them mad?” “What if this annoys them?”. I don’t know why I do that, but I do. and then when I don’t think about it and actually say what I do feel, they do get mad, then everything is just a mess. A mess sums up my life right now, sums it up pretty picture perfect actually. I’m sick of making myself unhappy so others will be happy. I’m just gonna face that this world is a selfish one. Nobody else does that for me, so why should I do it for them. Well, looks like I’m joining the selfish ones. 

I’m more concerned with changing the world and making a difference then falling in love

"I'm always swimming against the flow of the tide
Kissing the life into something that's already died"

I don't think anything has ever described me more perfectly.

I don’t want to be afraid,

I want to wake up feeling beautiful today,

And know that I’m okay,

Cause’ everyone’s perfect in unusual ways,

So see, I just wanna believe in me.

We got all these words, can’t waste them on another. So I’m running in a straight line, running back to you.